Pickup Lines: Why Most Fail, and What Actually Works

The internet is full of pickup lines, from the cheesy to the clever. They can be fun between friends. But if you hope a single line will make a stranger like you, you will usually be disappointed.

What the research says

Studies of opening lines (for example, Kleinke and colleagues in the 1980s) found that direct, sincere openers ("Hi, I'd like to get to know you") and innocuous situational openers ("What do you think of this place?") were generally preferred over cute or flippant lines. Flippant or sexual lines were rated lowest.

Why lines usually fail

• They sound canned. She can tell it would work on anyone.
• They put the focus on your performance instead of on her.
• The risk is lopsided. A good line earns a smile; a bad one makes her want to leave.

When a line can work

• When you already know each other and both know it's a joke.
• When you make fun of it yourself. "I had a terrible pickup line ready, but I'll spare you. I'm Alex." Admitting it's cheesy shows you are relaxed.

What works better

1. Say why you're there. "I noticed you and wanted to say hi."
2. Be specific. Mention something you actually noticed about her.
3. Start from the situation. You're in the same queue or at the same exhibition, so start there.
4. Share something about yourself. Good conversation goes both ways.

Lines to avoid entirely

• Anything sexual with someone you've just met.
• Anything belittling. That is negging, which is manipulation.
• Fake pretexts. Inventing a question to get close means you then have a lie to manage.

FAQ

Are pickup lines completely useless?

They're fine as playful jokes between people who know each other. They are not a good foundation for meeting someone new.

What openers do most women prefer?

Most people prefer openers that are sincere, direct and low-pressure, and that make it easy to say no.

What if my line falls flat?

Own it: "Okay, that one didn't land." Then talk normally or politely say goodbye.