How to Flirt Without Being Creepy

Flirting isn't a technique. It's a light, playful way of showing interest that leaves the other person free to respond or not.

Five flirting styles

In 2010 the communication researcher Jeffrey Hall and colleagues described five flirting styles: traditional, physical, sincere, playful and polite. The sincere style, which means expressing genuine interest and building emotional connection, was the one most associated with better relationship outcomes. Good flirting is sincere at its core.

Five principles for comfortable flirting

1. Be curious, not performative. Ask what you actually want to know and listen.
2. Share yourself. Don't just interview her. Offer your views and enthusiasms.
3. Use light humour. Joke about the situation or yourself, never her body.
4. Show interest without pressure. "I'm really enjoying this conversation" states your feeling without demanding one back.
5. Watch the feedback. If she laughs, jokes back and leans in, things are going well. If her answers get short, she leans away or changes the subject, slow down or stop.

What makes flirting creepy

• Bringing up sex or bodies too early.
• Repeated touching. Any touch should be read carefully, and if you are unsure, ask.
• Ignoring signals that she wants to stop.
• "Teasing" that is really belittling.

Flirting by text

Text loses tone, so keep it curious, personal and light. Don't send sexual jokes, and don't send walls of messages.

FAQ

How do I know if she's flirting back?

She extends the conversation, jokes, and asks you questions. If you are doing all the work, ease off.

Do I have to touch to flirt?

No. Words, eye contact and humour are enough. If you do touch, read her comfort, and if you are unsure, ask.

What separates flirting from harassment?

Flirting is mutual and enjoyed by both people. Harassment continues when one person doesn't want it. When she seems uncomfortable, stop.